Parent Guide to Executive Function + Transition to College & Adulthood

Transitioning a teen with Executive Function (EF) challenges or ADHD into adulthood can at times feel overwhelming. It is entirely valid to feel anxious about letting go when you have spent the last 18 years essentially operating as their external frontal lobe.

However, the hardest truth of the high school-to-college transition is this: You must stop acting as your teen's manager and start being their consultant. If you continue to micromanage their deadlines and wake-up times, you are likely only temporarily masking the problem and delaying an inevitable crash.

Whether your high school senior is heading to a four-year university, community college, or directly into the workforce, here is an actionable guide to shifting your dynamic, passing the baton, and scaffolding their independence.

1. The Paradigm Shift: From Manager to Consultant

To help a teen build executive functioning skills, your role must fundamentally change. Managers delegate tasks, check progress, and ensure completion. Consultants offer advice when asked, provide resources, and let the client make the final call.

• What Managers Say: "You need to finish your scholarship essay tonight, and don't forget to do your laundry."

   

• What Consultants Ask: "What's your plan for getting your essay done this week? Let me know if you want me to proofread it."

   

• Embrace Natural Consequences: This one can be especially difficult for many parents, but is absolutely vital for teens with executive dysfunction: You have to let them fail in small, survivable ways. Forgetting to do laundry means wearing dirty clothes, which means potentially smelling funky when they're trying to make a good impression on new classmates. Similarly, bombing a quiz because they didn't study teaches a far better lesson than a parent nagging them to open a textbook.

2. Time Management Strategies for College Freshmen

Don't just buy a planner and fill it out for them. Instead, create an environment in which your teen learns to build and maintain their own time management systems.

• Co-Pilot the "Syllabus Party": Before their first college semester, sit down at the kitchen table together. Have them pull up their syllabi and watch them input the dates into a master calendar. Guide them on how to break down large projects, but let them choose the deadlines.

   

• Audit Their Alarms for Time Blindness: Ask how they plan to wake up for an 8:00 AM class if they are up until 2:00 AM. Suggest the "Transition Alarm" method (setting alarms for when to start getting ready, not just when to leave), but let them set the actual times.

   

• Shift the Mental Load: If you have typically been the one to wake them up for high school, stop. Ensure they have a loud alarm clock, place it on the opposite side of the bedroom from their bed, and officially retire from wake-up duty.

3. Essential Life Skills Boot Camp (Before They Leave Home)

Do not wait until college move-in day to teach independent living. Use their senior year or the summer before college to systematically hand over adult responsibilities.

• Financial Executive Function: Give them a set budget for groceries or personal items. If they blow it all on takeout by Tuesday, do not bail them out on Wednesday. They need to feel the friction of poor financial planning while still under your roof (Natural Consequences making another special guest appearance here).

   

• The "Call the Doctor" Milestone: Stop making their appointments. Walk them through the script ("Hi, I need to schedule an appointment with Dr. Smith..."), and have them dial the phone themselves and check their own schedule for availability.

   

• Medication Management: If your teen takes daily medication (like ADHD meds or SSRIs), transition the refill responsibility to them. Teach them how to call the pharmacy or use the app, and let them take over the daily dispensing routine.

4. Navigating College Academic Overwhelm

When the difficulty spike of college-level academics hits, your neurodivergent teen will is very likely to experience panic, shut down, or call you feeling overwhelmed.

• Validate, Don't Fix: When they call in a panic over a 10-page paper, your instinct will be to say, "Send it to me, I'll fix the citations." Instead, say something like: "That sounds incredibly stressful. I know you're overwhelmed. What is the very first, smallest step you can take right now?"

   

• Normalize the Struggle: Remind them that everyone struggles with the transition to college. Executive Function isn't about being "smart"; it's a mechanical brain skill that requires training and practice.

   

• Secure College Accommodations Early: Ensure they know where campus resources are located before they need them. If they had an IEP or 504 plan in high school, it does not automatically transfer to college. Guide them through registering with the university's Disability Services office to secure necessary accommodations.

A Note on Setting Boundaries: Decide right now what you will and will not rescue them from. You might decide to help with a medical emergency, but not a missed flight because they packed late. Communicate these boundaries clearly to your teen so there are no surprises on move-in day.

Explore our specialized Executive Function Coaching to learn more about how
we can transform the way your student learns!